Present Day

     “Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one in this world who feels so broken. I look around and seem to feel so completely alone.”
     Melissa dropped her head, lost in herself. Dr. Stenson let her have a moment in silence before he spoke.
     “Why do you feel so alone, Melissa?”
     She slightly jerked her shoulder in response. She seemed to be lost in thought, but finally gave her answer in a quiet voice.
     “I have no idea.”

***

3 Months Ago

     She woke with a smile on her face. It was hard not to when you were being tickled awake in the morning.
     “Ben, stop it!” she giggled.
     This, of course, only led to an increase in tickling.
     “Benjamin Michael, you stop that immediately!”
     Ben figured it was an order he could easily ignore, considering the command came out in the middle of snorts and giggles. Grinning, he eventually released her so that she could breathe.
     Her body was immensely pleased that it was finally able to relax. Melissa turned her head and grinned back at Ben.
     “You’re going to pay for that.”
     “Uh huh”, he casually replied, already dismissing her threat.
     She pursed her lips as he rolled out of bed. She wanted him to be afraid.
     Very afraid.
     “I’m not kidding, Ben. You’re going to regret every second you spent tickling me out of a wonderful, peaceful sleep. You’ve had your last laugh at my expense, pal.”
     He looked back at her with a sleepy, smug expression on his face before he walked into the bathroom.
     “Whatever you say, sweetheart.”
     As he closed the door to the bathroom and started the shower, she frowned up at the ceiling. It probably didn’t help that she was a mere five foot five, weighed only one hundred and ten pounds, and had what her friends considered one of the sweetest personalities known to man.
     Not much to strike fear into her fiancé.
     Oh well, she thought, already shrugging it off. She had much bigger and more important things to occupy her mind.
     Itching with excitement for Ben to finish his shower, she rolled out of bed and began pacing. She had woken up in the middle of the night and decided it was time. Time to tell him what she had found out just yesterday.
     When Ben finally came out, she was grinning like a kid in a candy shop.
     Reflexively, he smiled back.
     “Good morning, beautiful.”
     “Good morning, handsome.”
     He slowly walked over to her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and gave her a teasing kiss.
     “And why are you so happy this morning?”
     This was it, she thought. She took a deep breath and knew she was about to change the course of their lives.
     Still smiling, she told him.
     “We’re pregnant.”

***

Present Day

     “I think you know why you feel so alone”, Dr. Stenson replied.
     Her silence made him carefully consider what he wanted to say next. Deciding that they could come back to this topic later, he changed the subject.
     “Tell me how Ben is doing.”
     Still looking down at her hands, she gave a small smile that disappeared as soon as it came.
     “He’s doing okay. He’s doing much better than I am.”
     “Tell me about him.”
     Grateful that the topic had changed, she finally looked up.
     “He began painting again. He’s been spending a lot of time up in the attic, sometimes going hours without taking a break. Sometimes I have to force him to stop so that he doesn’t forget to eat.”
     Thinking of her Ben, her face lit with a soft smile.
     “He tells me I’m interrupting genius when I force him to stop and eat. You’d swear I was torturing him based on the look he gives me.”

***

2 Months Ago

     He interrupted her again.
     “Sweetie, does it honestly take 1 hour to get ready for a party?”
     He already knew the answer, but he just couldn’t hold the question in.
     “I mean, seriously…”
     Deciding not to dignify his question with a response, she closed the bathroom door in his face.
     Absurdly pleased with herself, she continued applying her makeup, already deciding to take a little longer than she had initially been planning on.
     She heard him groan outside the door as if he was in pain.
     Laughing quietly, she continued working her magic with her eyeliner.
     Ten minutes later she finally opened the bathroom door and began dressing. She really hadn’t decided whether she wanted to wear the red blouse or the…
     “Melissa! We’re going to be late, honey!”
     Upstairs, Melissa rolled her eyes.
     Oh no, we can’t have that, she mumbled to herself.
     Immediately wincing at her snippy thought, she took a breath and imagined herself putting on a cloak of positive thinking. It felt lame, but it was better than mentally beating up on her adorable husband.
     “I’ll be right down,” she shouted.
     Making one last attempt, he yelled back.
     “Honey, I don’t know how you could possibly make yourself more beautiful than you already are.”
     Smiling, he heard her laugh and finally walk out of the bedroom.

***

Present Day

     “When I first met Ben, I was jogging in the park. I was taking a break near the lake when I heard someone near me ask why in God’s name I was running when a nice pleasant walk got a person where they needed to go.”
     The memory made her smile.
     “I turned around and saw this gorgeous man sitting on the bench with a sketch pad in his lap, and my first thought was, Oh great, a sexy man just happens to talk to me when I’m sweating like a pig.”
     Dr. Stenson smiled back at Melissa. “You never know when that special someone will come along.”
     “Yes, well, I was sweating horribly when he did. But he’s always told me since then that I was an absolute vision and he just had to introduce himself before I ran out of his life, never to be seen again.” She smirked. “He usually gets dramatic when he’s trying to romance me.”
     “Anyway, he asked me if I wanted to rest for a little while next to him on the bench and enjoy the lake. My feet were killing me, so I figured why not. He introduced himself and said he was an artist. He’s never had a filter when it comes to his art, so one of the first questions he asked me was whether I’d feel comfortable to let him paint me nude.”
     Dr. Stenson laughed. “Pretty gutsy.”
     “Yes, well …” Deciding to change the subject, since Ben had eventually gotten his way with the nude painting, she focused instead on the comfortable warmth she felt when she thought of her and Ben that first time they met.
     “We still like going to parks, since it reminds us of when we first met. I’ve tried to get him to jog with me, but in all these years he’s never budged. I honesty don’t know if Ben would run even if a crazy person was running at him with a knife. He’d probably just power-walk in the opposite direction.”
     Thinking how wonderfully funny that was, she let out a laugh.
     After a while though, her smile slowly slipped off her face to be replaced with a look of helplessness.
     “I’ve always thought it was fate that brought us together. We were so happy, and then we were overjoyed when we found out we were pregnant.”

***

1 Month Ago

     “Well, Mr. Ben Harper, just where is this surprise party you’re taking me to?”
     “Actually, I was thinking we’d just go out to dinner.”
     “Oh yeah, sure.” Thinking he was joking, she turned and smiled at him, but she dropped her smile when she saw he was serious.
     “Wait a minute, are you joking? You mean we’re just going out to dinner? You made me get ready for a party and put on this dress when it’s just going to be the two of us!”
     With her temper just about to fully kick in, Ben replied in a quiet voice.
     “There was a party tonight, but I just decided this very moment that I don’t want to share you with others tonight. I want you to myself tonight.
     Her temper immediately vanished. She sat staring at him as he continued to drive.
     “You know, sometimes you can be the most romantic man.” And with a touch of humor in her voice, she added “And I suppose because of that you think you’re off the hook for getting me excited for a party we’re no longer going to.”
     Stopping at a red light, he turned to her and decided to ignore her last question. “I’m romantic only sometimes?”
     Smiling, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
“You have your moments,” she replied.
     Ben smiled as he continued to look at her.
     “Sweetie, the light turned green.”
     Bringing his attention back to his driving, he started to pull into the intersection.
     “You know, one day our baby is going to …”
     He was never able to finish his sentence. Another driver, who was later found to be drunk, ended up running a red light and hitting the front passenger side door.

***

Present Day

     Suddenly, tears started to fall down her face.
     Dr. Stenson had thought she needed some quiet to collect her thoughts, so the room had been silent for a while.
     The silence ended up weighing heavily on Melissa, and she couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Another minute passed, and she cried gently at first, and then hard enough so that her shoulders were shaking.
     Her heart was broken, and there was simply no putting it back together as it had been before.
     With grief on her face, she eventually looked up.
     Her speech was slurred with tears, but she was compelled to speak.
     “She would have been 6 months old today.”

—
Written by Charles Weatherhead
Written over the course of three days:
   November 20, 2010
   January 3, 2011
   February 19, 2011

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Sometimes you would face your fears with me
Sometimes you would run away from me

So now you speak to me with whispered memories
But all I can remember are broken dreams

And now I run away from everything I see
You always knew what I could never bear to be

This life has unspoken possibilities
If only you loved me, please, please, please

Come away with me, I only want you
If you will stay with me I’ll only love you

I wish I knew how things were going to be
I want you to trust me, open up to me

This life is not always fair and sometimes there is pain
Sometimes I think I am the one to blame

But then I look into your eyes and see
Life is just beginning now, I’m finally at peace

- – -
Written by Charles Weatherhead
November 1, 2009

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Instant and free
Lost in a breeze
Open any door
See what you find

In time there will be more
With it you will have more time
Smile and pretend you are here
Smile and pretend

Do not let go of your peace
You have lost it too many times
Welcome your feelings once more
And begin
- – -
Written by Charles Weatherhead
October 15, 2009

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“Well, here’s the predicament. I already told her that I wasn’t going to a sideshow that made me feel like a fool. She agreed to that and now she’s backing up on her word.”

“John, a dance is not a sideshow. And Sara’s a grown woman. You should know that you’ll do what she asks of you.”

“Hah! And I suppose I should have to listen to this just because you’re her sister? No wait, I forgot. I’m listening because you’re a woman.”

Thinking he scored some manly points on that comment, he planted a smug smile on his face.

“Don’t get smart with me, John Sidermen. I’ll fix you good like I did at Uncle Brian’s house two months ago.”

Shoot, he thought. There went the man points. He responded with the first thing that came to mind.

“Agghh!”

“Well isn’t that the typical male response. I don’t know how Sara puts up with you. First of all, you’re a male. And as if that weren’t enough, you don’t show her any respect, you never think of her first, and you won’t even go to a dance with her!”

“Now wait just a damn minute! Sara Parker is the only woman on this green earth, other than my mother, who I would willingly lay down in traffic for. There’s not one person I respect more than her.”

Frustrated with women in general, he felt a fierce frown creasing his face.

“If what Sara wants is to dance, then she’ll get more electric slides and chicken dances than she can shake a stick at.”

God, what a ridiculous comment, he thought with an inward wince. With a low growl, he bolted out of the door heading straight for Sara’s house to drag her to the dance he had no inclination to go to just minutes ago.

Angie smiled triumphantly when the door had slammed shut behind him. She’d been trying to get that slow, stubborn excuse for a man to propose to her sister for a good two months. “Maybe tonight you’ll stick that stubborn foot of yours in your mouth and finally tell her what you just told me.”

With visions of orange blossoms and white veils dancing in her head, she decided to sit back and enjoy a good book. Maybe later on she’d even take a dip in a bubble bath. Life was too short, she figured, to not enjoy some of its simplicities.
 
 
“Well aren’t you going to dance?”

Sara looked questionably at John while he fidgeted with his hands. A frown was etched deep into his face. “Sure I want to dance,” she declared softly. “But not with a man who won’t enjoy it.”

“Well you’ve got no worries then.” He was already pulling her to the middle of the dance floor. “I enjoy dancing.”

She burst out laughing when he finally looked at her. “What did Angie say to you to get you so riled up? You about knocked me dead when you showed up at my house all but dragging me to this dance.”

“Angie didn’t have anything to do with this. I just wanted to show you how much I respect you is all.”

“By dragging me to a dance?”

“Yes.” It took him a minute. “No!”

“Which is it, John?”

“Stop messing with my head! You’re just like your sister.”

“Ah. So Angie did have a part in this.”

“I make my own decisions! Your sister didn’t get me here.”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“Don’t go mmmhmmming me. Just like a woman to make a man feel stupid. They have no regard for his feelings if you ask me.”

“I didn’t realize you felt that way.” She switched to a more serious tone as they made their way around the dance floor. “Do you think I don’t care how you feel, John?”

Well hell. How am I supposed to get out of this one? he thought. Better to try the direct route and be a man.

“Do you want something to drink? I could get us something to–”

“John.” Now they both wore unpleasant frowns.

So much for the direct route, he cursed himself.

“What was the question again?” he asked grudgingly.

“Do you think I don’t care how you feel, John?” She hoped she repeated the question calmly instead of shouting it like she wanted to.

He took her into his arms and laid her head on his shoulder so he could say what he knew needed to be said. The music gently coursed through both of them as silence pressed on and time seemed to slip away. Sara almost forgot she was waiting for him to answer when he finally broke the silence.

“I love you.”

To John’s dismay, Sara just kept on dancing as if he had made a comment on the weather. Must not have heard, he thought. Better try again.

“I said I love you, Sara.”

“I know that, you bubble-headed porpoise piece of male.” This time there were tears in her voice. She thought it was too bad she didn’t care for curse words, since she could think of a few choice ones she’d like to use at the moment. “What took you so long you dumb ox?”

Caught between frustration and humor, he wasn’t sure how to respond. He knew when she started calling him an “ox” that she was struggling not to curse at him. Trying to keep the beginning of a smile out of his voice, he said “I don’t appreciate being called names. But if you insist on doing so, at least call me something more manly like a tiger or–”

“Oh shut up.” And to her surprise, he did.

“I’ve waited five months to here you say that. I’ve loved your stubborn, slow, caring and gentle, pig-headed heart for five months. And now you tell me! You stupid–”

He pulled them to a stop on the dance floor. “Now wait just a damn minute! I didn’t know that you loved me.”

“It figures you big–”

“And I’m sorry I haven’t known until now. That way I wouldn’t be making a fool of myself in the middle of a dance floor.” He cast a look downward. “I’ve been stepping all over your feet.”

Sara’s tear-filled laugh bubbled up slowly. She sometimes thought it was so unfair that she could never stay mad at him for long. “You have beautiful feet. I’ve always admired your feet.”

“Sweet mother of God. I’m glad I have something on me that you like.”

The beginning of a smirk spread out over Sara’s angelic face as she looked up at him. John’s heart did a double summersault and a few hand springs.

“God, you’re beautiful.”

She responded with a slow smile.

And that, he thought, was simply perfect.
- – -
Written by Charles Weatherhead
July 19, 2001

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Angie averted her eyes.  She figured it was better to ignore the aching feeling in her stomach than to face what lie before her.

And how could she face her fears? she mused.  Some things seemed inevitable.

But some things required strength of heart that could carry you through the worst of it.  And she knew she possessed this courage.  She knew with all her heart she could stand up and be heard.  Stand up and fight back.

Angie Carrington was no quitter.

Now if she could just stop the tears running down her face, the hysterical laughter quivering through her body, and her father from tickling her, she could do just that.

But what good was dignity when you were having fun?

Angie’s father stopped long enough to give his feisty little seven-year-old a breather.  He wanted her to think it was finally over before he started tickling her again.

And once his young daughter’s eyes opened with a twinkle of pure delight and mischief to offset her seemingly innocent, angelic face, his heart simply stopped.

She was so beautiful.

She looked just like her mother.

Tickling forgotten, he bent down and kissed the tip of her nose.

“I love you, Angie May.”

Easy with affection, Angie smiled and mimicked her father, giving him a smacking kiss on the nose.

“I love you, too, Daddy.”

And that, he thought, was pure heaven.  If a man were ever as lucky as he was to have this truly amazing young girl love him as simply as breathing, he could never regret his past.  He could never feel alone.  And he could never fear the future.  His young baby girl was his past, present, and future.

She was everything.

Although Angie was young in age, she knew of the look in her father’s eyes.  She wished fiercely every night that his eyes would stop worrying.

Because she knew, as women do, that he needed it, she slowly got up and wrapped her arms around her father’s neck.  Her father’s arms instinctively wrapped his little girl into a hug.

And because she needed it, she stayed there in silence as the minutes dripped away.

- – -
Written by Charles Weatherhead
July 4, 2004

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